Want to Tailgate the Penn State-Pitt game this Saturday? Not so fast!

Like Drinking? Like Grilling? Like all around good times to go with Penn State football? Then Heinz Field on Saturday probably isn’t the place for you.

Last weekend I was in a town just north of Pittsburgh for a friends birthday party. I was sporting a Penn State football shirt when I was approached by a Pitt fan. After some harmless ribbing and general college football talk, he said, “It’s gonna be crazy down there next Saturday, the Pirates play that afternoon.”

I nodded and smiled, thinking this was just a pleasant way of ending the conversation, but I soon realized it was more of a warning. If you are heading to the Penn State-Pitt football game this Saturday, consider this your warning, it’s going to be crazy.

The Pirates are playing at 1:05 p.m. against the lowly Miami Marlins, and it is creating a parking situation around the stadiums situated on Pittsburgh’s North Shore.

ALCO, the parking corporation handling the North Shore lots around Heinz Field and PNC Park has said that no fans without a Pirates pre-sold parking pass will be allowed to park in the North Shore pre-sold lots until 5 p.m.

The kicker, though, is the “strict” no tailgating policy in all the North Shore lots from 1:30PM-5PM. Meaning you cannot tailgate in the most convenient lots at Heinz Field for the Penn State-Pitt game until 5 p.m.

I assume these restrictions are in place to get Pirates fans out of the lots and football fans into the lots in an orderly fashion, but the statement from ALCO, Pitt, Heinz Field Management and the Pirates organization encourages all fans attending just the football game to not arrive until 5 p.m. That will barely give you enough time to finish a game of cornhole and polish off a six-pack.

Penn State is one of the best traveled fanbases in the country, and Pitt fans might put down their french-fry sandwiches long enough to actually attend this game, so all lots remotely close to the stadium where you can tailgate will be mobbed.

You could give me a toothpick, three ice cubes and a bottle of mouthwash, and I could get drunk, like an alcoholic MacGyver, but this is proving to be a challenge for even me.

It looks like the only place you can park your car and catch a buzz before the game is at the PPG Paints Arena lot, which is about a 40 minute walk to Heniz Field. Passes are being sold to reserve a spot in that lot, and you can check that out here.

There are a bunch of places to park in and around the city, mostly garages, which provide more of an “it smells like piss, I hope I don’t get stabbed” feel than a “big time college football tailgate” feel.

Many fans will hit the bars downtown and walk over the Clemente Bridge to the game. Some will get a Pirates ticket and have a few pops while watching mediocre baseball before heading to watch Penn State whoop the Panthers, but most fans will just be really angry.

And rightfully so.

Pitt wants so badly to be taken seriously as a major college football program, and while this isn’t exactly their fault, they’ll never get there with instances like this.

The essence of college football starts in the lots and fields and campgrounds around the stadium hours before kickoff. Friends and family keeping up traditions, kids learning how to throw a pigskin, and the scent of perfectly grilled meats wafting through the air. This is what tailgating is all about, and it should never be an issue when it comes to college football

Tailgating and college football go hand-in-hand, so why does it need to be so difficult come Saturday?