Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Town
Not a creature was stirring, not even on 4th down.
The jerseys were hung by the locker with care,
In hopes that Evil Bill soon would be there.
The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of touchdowns danced in their heads.
And Coach Fitz shirtless, and wearing just shorts,
Jim Delany clueless and all out of sorts.
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
The fans sprang from their seats see what was the matter.
Away to twitter, they flew like a flash,
To confirm Mark Emmert is a babbling ***.
The Beaver Stadium lights reflecting on new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of a While Out and college football’s greatest show.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a high powered offense, while sipping an ice cold beer.
With a brand new coach, no one wanted at first,
They knew in a moment, Tim Beckman would be the worst.
Coach was poised and the supporters they came,
On back of the jerseys would be each players name!
“Now Mauti! now, Hodges! now, McGloin and Zordich!
On, Hill! On, Morris! On, Stanley and Yanich!
To the top of Mt. Nittany! This team saw it all!
No Bowl Game! Sanctions! The 2012 team stood tall!”
The sanctions came down and they blamed our Culture
While other teams coaches tried to poach like Vultures.
They wiped out wins and levied a huge fine,
They can kiss our *** because JoePa got 409.
And then after the 1st game, fans starting blaming Ted Roof
This team would bounce back and we’d offer the proof.
As I drew plays in my head, the season was turning around,
The wins stared coming and this team would be crowned.
With eyes nearly bugged out of my head!
This team was not finished they’d awake from the dead!
Ohio State and Nebraska losses, were just a bump in the road,
The non-believers believed and were impressed what was showed.
A final game vs. Wisconsin, the season then complete,
The team accomplished an unbelievable feat.
The 2012 team remembered on the facade,
While every Penn State fan knows the NCAA is a fraud!
A 4th and 6 call while Penn State down one,
Made Bert Bielema realize his time at Wisky was done!
An overtime Field Goal by the much maligned Ficken,
Bert realized he should have gone for 2, but of course he was chicken.
The season was over, the end was here,
And time for a certain genius to be named Coach of the Year.
Off to recruiting and spreading some joy,
And devising a plan for this league that we will annually destroy!
May Delany and Emmert get nothing but coal,
And shoving it up their *** will always be our goal
For they messed with the best these short sighted suckers,
“Merry Christmas to all, you fantastic bunch of f******!”
Evil Bill O’Brien is not affiliated with Penn State University or head coach Bill O’Brien.